On November 1, I decided to finally take more control of my dating life and put things in serious motion. The lack of male activity that started months ago at first felt like a relief and a brilliant human experiment. But now I’m close to cracking from the dry spell, so I’m whipping out a rain dance and making these clouds rumble!
I move fast – as fast as an iPhone application! I downloaded Blendr – a non-sober decision. Literally. My friends and I were at a bar and legends about this app began to surface. The next thing you know, we’re chatting to kinky dudes on my phone. Blendr is a hookup application that locates your closest quickie according your your GPS location. And what had seemed like a practical avenue for singles, I managed to get into political brawls with the likes of Mohammad from Nablus, who kept referring to me as “Jew girl.” Ibrahim from Saudia Arabia also pissed me off so I made a little fun of his mom for still not having a driver’s license. As it turned out, most of the subscribers are Muslim men from countries I would never be allowed to visit anyways.
I moved on to a warm, familiar, and fuzzy place called JDate. I poured my single Jewish heart into my profile, infusing it with humor, flirtation, and of course, lies. I paid a whopping $39.00 and embarked on a quest for local love…only to have been slammed with a message that read “no search results found!!” Apparently, I could only access American and Canadian databases, and if I want the Tel Avivian boys, I had to play on Jdate.co.il. But it’s in Hebrew!! And I still read like a first grader!! Where’s the fun in Google translating his body type and ideal first date?? It was such a buzz kill that I called to cancel my membership.
So I’m taking a leap of faith on OKCupid where I enjoy an 80:20 male to female ratio. The messages, virtual winks, and template pick up lines are flowing in several times a day. And though I may need to kiss a ton of frogs to find my prince, the mojo is back! The single girl is out! I’m batting my eyes relentlessly!! And there ain’t no doubt I’ll be rain-making by the end of the month!!