Falafel Heartbreaker

With a Jewish population of 2% in the entire San Francisco-Bay Area, it’s a seriously competitive kosher market!!  If you’re Jewish and employed, you’re by default a perfectly viable mate!  In the diaspora, the rest of the hierarchy of important traits typically falls far after his tribe membership has been confirmed.  By the way, this is why when horny American college girls come to visit Israel for spring break, it’s as if the crackheads were dropped off the dealer’s house!  All of a sudden, any jobnik (very mediocre status in the army) seems like a national war hero who is apparently quite deserving of at least a decent blow job.  In fact, it would be a Zionist deed!

So here I am living in Israel, as oppose to a 10-day Jewish orgy, and I seemingly have all day to graze slowly at any man in the field.  Almost everyone is Jewish, so almost everyone is an option.  Right?

Actually, dating has been severely complicated by the very fact that the demographic issue has been eliminated.  I am now forced to actively consider “level two” criteria (can you imagine that!!!!): education, career, ambition, values, long term plans, standard of living, worldliness, progressiveness, culture, tradition, army unit, mobility, English level, Ashkenazi, Mezrahi, religiosity, retirement plan, and so on.  In fact, I’ve just written a seven-page letter to the universe, per The Secret’s strict instructions, outlining my ideal partner.  Would I have been afforded this luxury (or curse) in America?

It actually makes no difference, because with all my JAP standards, I think I may have just ended up back in the 2% margin.

Photo: artists4israel.blogspot.com

4 thoughts on “Falafel Heartbreaker

  1. My friend and I were just lamenting over how hard it is to find good Jewish boys around here. Now I know the statistic!
    On a slow day at work, your blog literally makes me Laugh Out Loud! So thank you for cheering up my day 🙂 You are such a talented writer!

    • Hey Gabi!!! Thank you for your compliments, love!! I hope you’re having a great internship! Regarding Jewish boys in SF…as long as you really want a good one, you’ll find him, I’m sure! 🙂

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