I ran dry for blog ideas so I dyed my hair blond.
Seriously though, beginning of last week, I had a surge of rebellious emotions. When that happened at seventeen, I pierced my nose, cartilage, and belly. And, when it happened again at 21, I stumbled out of a night club and slipped straight into a lecture hall at Berkeley. But now I’m 27 years old, a striving professional and sophisticated dame (shut up, let me to project a little). So I calmed my teenage impulses with hair dye to finally walk in the footsteps of blondes. After all, the blond reputation suits my current cravings: fun, spunk, and bright lights.
Don’t think blondes have hogged all the attention in just the last century, with sensations like Marilyn Monroe and Madonna. Blonde women have an epic track record of scoring the cream of the crop (survivors of the fittest) since the last ice age 11,000 years ago.
The evolution of blond-mania began with the Northern European tribes. Leaving women behind to attend to their hunting expeditions, Nordic cavemen sought ungodly scary animals like mammoths and prehistoric bisons. The task was dangerous and the death toll was high for the hunters, eventually leaving men significantly outnumbered by women. And when they would return from the glacial mountains horny and exhausted, they were greeted with overpopulated women who were fertile and hungry. Clearly, men held the power in the natural selection, and as genealogy dictates, they preferred blondes for mating.
Blondes are natural survivors. They stood out from their brunette competition during this intense sexual rivalry. Apparently, blondes also have higher levels of estrogen, which predisposes them to petite noses, narrow shoulders, smooth skin, less body hair, childish behavior, bubbly energy, and playfulness.** What man, even a caveman, wouldn’t want that?!
So what if we’re out of the ice age and in to global warming? Statistically, blondes are still preferred, and g-d damn it, I want a hot hairy guy to shlep me a slab of mammoth or bison!! A date for a porterhouse steak is perfectly acceptable too!
Anyways, unlike tattoos and piercing, my hair is out there, and the rebellious satisfaction is immediate. Heads are turning more than ever, but let’s be honest, my own head is tilted a bit higher than usual too. And that’s because, coupled with some red lipstick and a black leather jacket, the blond change is just a trigger to more great changes, internal redesigning and romantic revamping included.