“For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice.” ― T.S. Eliot
One year ago, I set an intention to make decisions from a position of strength…that no one thing or one person can make up for what I think I’m lacking, but only add to what I already have. And then I spent the rest of the year figuring out how exactly to put this intention into practice. How do I not “need” and depend, but simply invite goodness from a light and fulfilled place?
Many of my answers (not all, as this is a life-long practice) were realized in 2012, which is why I’ve pegged this year as one of the most important ever. It was a long journey of allowing myself to tame self-criticism, forgive my limitations, and truly accept Beata. And not in just any year, but in 2012, when my acceptance was stripped of the comfort of a boyfriend, the distraction of roommates, and the physical accessibility to family. On top, it was a year of many difficult tests that complicated work, romance, and even my future in Israel. I wrestled through them with frustration, impatience, and uncertainty. I wrestled through these tests alone.
Then the storm slowly began to calm. I started to thank – profusely. So much real gratitude. First and foremost, for the indispensable support from my girls. For their wise words that I contemplated for nights and wrote about endlessly. Grateful to their sisterly love, for their confidence in me that I had lacked so many times this year. Grateful to my family who are brave for every day they accept my decision to live in a far away and turbulent place. Grateful to my career that has earned me a privileged life and invaluable professional growth. Grateful to my health and fitness. Grateful to where I come from. Grateful to my golden generation: to move out of free will (and not from persecution) to a sovereign Jewish country – a combination of words that can only be uttered now for the first time in thousands of years.
Grateful to this journey…
And just when I began to feel light and fulfilled for no particular thing or person, he came. He’s not completing me and he’s not saving me from anything. He’s just (immensely) adding to all the present goodness in my life. And like all things I try to remain grateful to, I say thank you to Yonatan.
Surely we’ll be tested in 2013 and forever on. But here’s to personal evolvement: a new language, new words, and a new voice. Happy new year!